What's a Blessay?

A great writer is intimidating to those of us who, while able to string words together in a coherent manner, cannot aspire to such a title.

Take Stephen Fry, for example. The actor famous for his portrayal of Lord Melchett in the Blackadder II series (among many other items in his long, long list of on-screen accomplishments) is a very admirable wordsmith whose works on his eponymous blog reveal an eloquent passion for one of his preferred subjects: Smartphones.

His entry of a week ago clocks in at nearly 10,000 words, which is one reason why I'm only halfway through reading it.

(Yes, I'm taking a break from reading someone else's blog entry to write about the experience. Yes, I'm quite insane.)

The other reason - besides length - that I'm only partway through the blessay in question...

He calls his entries blessays, the word being a portmanteau of blog and essay, and who am I to insist that he name them otherwise?

"Portmanteau" - incidentally - is a word that I learned from another of his blessays in which he explains that the name Mozilla itself is a portmanteau of Mosaic Killer (or Killa, perhaps).

...as I was saying. The other reason I've not yet completed my sojourn through his latest blessay is that I'm just so damn impressed with his mastery of the language and his ability to bring that mastery to bear on his subject of choice (which, in this and a few of his blessays, is Smartphones) that I'm driven to deep despair regarding my own ability to write.

Who would want to read my pathetic typings when they can just as easily avail themselves of the luxurious meanderings of Mr. Fry? I'm not completely without linguistic ability, true. I seem to be able to fake it when roused to do so. Seldom am I, though. I just don't have the passion for anything in my own life to write about it with the same enthusiasm that Stephen brings to the subject of Smartphones.

The man loves his Smartphones. Unabashedly, unashamedly, and with abandon. His latest blessay is a review of new Smartphone offerings, cleverly disquised as yet another mash note to Steve Jobs et al.

Stephen loves his iPhone, and all things Apple, really.

Consider the following excerpt:

the real mystery is not how Jobs and Ive and their team made their breakthrough with such conspicuous speed and success, it is how the might of Symbian, Nokia, Sony Ericsson and Microsoft could have bestridden the market for so many years without so much as making an attempt to satisfy, please, solace and ease the smartphone experience: even a quarter of Apple’s imagination, creativity, innovation and delight in technology would have been something. Weird to remind ourselves yet again of just how unanimous in their scepticism the press and professional techies were about the possibility of Apple being able to make a dent in the market as an untried newcomer while now we’re already thinking of them as the big brutal bullying champion. How could the major players have left a gap in the market so wide that a complete novice in mobile telephony could so instantly shame them? Shame them in the eyes of the world, at least, if not in their own.

He eventually gets down to business, beginning with reviews of a couple new flavors of BlackBerry: The BlackBerry Bold and the BlackBerry Storm.

He seems to feel that the Bold, while not perfect, is at least worthy of the name BlackBerry, for which he has some affection.

Then he moves on to the Storm.

As a Verizon customer I've been gazing longingly at the BlackBerry Storm and wondering if it was the Smartphone for me. Thanks to Stephen I am now much less likely to be seduced by its siren song.

I'm trying to find some piece that I can excerpt from the whole of his excoriation that will give you an adequate feel for his disgust and disapppointment with the BlackBerry Storm. I suppose I could pick out some pieces at random - any one of several paragraphs he devotes to the subject of the Storm would serve to illustrate his point - but it's so enjoyable to read as a whole. He dismantles the Storm. He makes his case, point by point, that the Storm is utterly and wholly a mistake and sums up his views with surprising economy, thusly:

nothing can take away from the fact that this is the Edsel of smartphones, an absolute smeller from top to bottom.

Of course I've now had to read the remaining portion of his blessay in order to write with any kind of accuracy about it. This shouldn't surprise me nearly as much as it does.

Regardless, I will reveal at this time that Stephen moves on from all things BlackBerry eventually to admit his satisfaction with the first generation of the Android phone. He seems to be especially hopeful that the Android entries into the marketplace will serve to inspire Apple to compete and take the iPhone to ever-greater heights of accomplishment in end-user satisfaction.

Which Apple will mostly likely do, admittedly.

Regardless, reading Stephen's blessay is much more satisfactory than reading my squalid summation of same. Go. Now. Read.